Dear friends,
Sometimes we have to give ourselves a kick, a quick reminder to have a grateful heart for all we have been given. I don't even call it a sacrifice of praise, but rather a just acknowledgement that the whining I am about to do is totally unjustified in light of the great good that God has shown me... Regardless;
I mentioned in my last blog post that we recently moved back to the town where I grew up. We were able to pass the summer bye, barely feeling the effects of the move. We had quite a soft cushion of the welcoming arms of family and some new friends to soften the blow of leaving our house, our community, and our dear friends behind.
Well, now that it is fall I am gaining a greater appreciation for the change that has taken place in our lives. I celebrate the new- but I have to admit that at times my heart longs for the old. I miss the comfort of familiar friendships- the mercy, trust, and warmth that comes only from years of seeing each other through the ups and downs..
I also miss also the feeling of owning our own home... I miss feeling like each paycheck was going towards building- building a future for our children, building a life and a home... Whether we were doing well for ourselves or struggling through home repairs and upkeep, at least it was ours. Just like our little family that put our trust in the Lord and started to make our way some eight years ago, it was with great Faith and anticipation that we put our first payment into our home. It may have been more humble than grand, but we took pride in it. We maintained it and we made it our own. We made it work for the needs of our children as our little family grew from a family of four to a family of 6 in the time we lived there. We watched our children have great adventures in our backyard, and zip around our basement on their cars as they went from babies to toddlers to little boys.
Our boys seem different since we moved. Part of this is the fact that they are older. But, another part seems like a portion of them has been lost... A memory, a continuity of the little people that they were then and the less little people that they are now.... But perhaps it is not just the boys, perhaps it is our family that seems different.... There is something about striking out on your own as a young couple that draws and binds you together- like a glue when you know what you have is each other and the Lord to guide you.
Perhaps all this melancholy comes from being in limbo, not sure what is going to happen with Brendan's job, not sure how long we will be in this area, scared to build too much of a life only to start again... Perhaps it comes from a need to distance ourselves a little from the family that surrounds us so that we can reclaim the family that God has made in us... Perhaps it is time to re-ground ourselves in prayer and petition the Lord to help us...
I must admit, I have been waking up quite frequently lately filled with quite a bit of anxiety... Part of this is because the times I have had to pray and reflect have been few and day to day life has been very busy. Yet, there is a God who knows me and has not forgotten me... He has a plan and a purpose... He leads me besides still waters and restores my soul...
