The irony of the Spirit

Hey all,

It is so funny how the Holy Spirit works sometimes.   At least for me, sometimes I will feel very close to God and then days or months will go by where I just keep going, not really being sure if I am still paying attention, still absorbing all God is saying to me in my life.  Then, just as I am getting a little discouraged, He will swoop in and blow me away with His plans again, and I know once again He is with me.  Hopefully I can communicate a little of that here in my blog, as I tell you a little bit about the latest events in our lives.

So Brendan and I have decided for certain on a name!  We are going to name our newest baby boy Gabriel Matthew.   Picking a name for us has always been something that Brendan and I treasure and think is an important responsibility.  It has to be more then just nice sounding or trendy, and it has to have meaning, and be appropriate for both his childhood and adulthood.  I am one of those who believes that when you pray about a name and what God wants, sometimes the answer comes to you.  We can get some degree of comfort knowing that our child has existed in the mind of God long before they are given to us as a gift.   Come to find out my due date is right around Sept. 8th.   For me, this is significant because in the Church, Sept 8th is held as the day in which we remember the birth of Mary.  I know devotion to the Blessed Mother is something that I do not share with all my Christian brothers and sisters, but I have such a strong devotion to this beautiful woman, I truly believe that God has given her to all Christians as a gift to lead us to Him.  I have such love and reverence for Mary as my mother, I was delighted that my child was due on her birthday!  So, Brendan and I wanted to pick a name that would represent a Saint with great devotion to Jesus through Mary.  The top names were Dominic (as Saint Dominic spread devotion to the rosary as a way of prayer), Maximilian (who taught authentic faith and devotion to Jesus through Mary in Poland when the culture was faced with atheism and nihilism, then willingly gave up his life in exchange for another man's at Aushwitz), and finally Gabriel, (who in the Bible proposes God's plan to Mary that she would be the mother of the Redeemer.).  Brendan and I both felt that Gabriel was the name of our child.  One night shortly after we had decided on Gabriel, I was up and I prayed to God that I would know the middle name by the next day.  The name "Matthew" popped into my head that night.  In the morning Brendan got up and asked me what I thought about the name Gabriel Matthew.   I loved it and I think it is a nice way to honor my Uncle Matt who died just over a year ago.  FYI the name Gabriel means "Strong Man of God", while Matthew means "Gift of God".

The other thing that has been happening in my life is a new degree of certainty with our plan to homeschool.  God has been so good in answering so many of my prayers to make life a little easier for us, and to show me His path.  I had been really struggling for a while with feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, but the changes that we have made have brought about a renewed feeling of hope and purpose.  I am so incredibly happy now with how well my kids are doing and I am looking forward to the challenges that our second year homeschooling and our newest addition will bring.

Finally, for a long time I was uncertain whether I would still be serving the Lord leaving any kind of organized "ministry" opportunities.  I have felt in the past such a strong call to serve God in this way, I was feeling lost and like I had failed now that my call was to be more focused on home, and less on "ministry".  Adding to this sense of loss of purpose is the fact that my efforts to assist in a lesser capacity in my old ministry have not worked out as I had hoped they would.   All of this combined to my saying to God one day in the car on my way to the Church "Well, thats it for me, Lord.  From now on I am not going to be concerned about others or where they are in their faith journey, but be concerned only with what God is doing in my life."  Right at the exact moment when I prayed that Fr. Mitch Pacwa came on the radio and there was his emphatic voice piping through the airways: "Don't you ever doubt that if you are a Baptized Christian, you have a DUTY, you have an OBLIGATION to spread the gospel!"   I let out a deep sigh and looked to the Holy Spirit from the depths of my discouragement and said, "Ha!  Very funny!".   A few days later I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in a while.  She told me that she was very moved by the decisions I had made and that it touched her in a way that was relevant to her life.  I knew that this was the confirmation that God was sending me, just at the moment when I most needed it.  Well, I suppose I am still in love with the Spirit!

Just a reminder, Pentecost is coming up in a couple weeks!   Here's to praying the Holy Spirit lights a few more souls on fire and kindles our world with the grace we need!