A year of Blessings, A year of learning

I hope everyone is keeping sacred just a little bit of quiet in this busy season to prepare for Our Lord.  How great He is!  I wish I had something inspirational to say as I try to prepare myself for Christmas, but the waiting and longing is the reality for me right now, and not the experiencing and sharing.

So for some honest talk;  Hopefully I can share something worthwhile or interesting!  As Christmas approaches, I wonder if I am truly prepared.  A wise friend told me when we first moved away from Albany to Horseheads that sometimes God removes the "supports" so that you can love him more purely.  He is jealous, in a sense, of our reliance of externals.   I can say that spiritually I am feeling the loss of the many supports that I had in Albany; from our women's group, to the dynamic and orthodox priests, and even the charismatic prayer services where I could go to ask for additional prayers when needed.  Most of all, I miss my visits with the Lord at the Eucharistic Adoration Chapel down the street.  The sweet consolation of the Lord made life blessed.

With the move, my focus has shifted spiritually to being more centered in my home.  As a wife and mother, this is an appropriate shift- a step in the right direction.  However, it is a hard shift.  For a mom to steal quiet moments to pray, to encourage the development of virtue and character in our children, to serve our husbands with humility and gentleness, is no easy task.  I know I am not the only mother to beg the Lord for more of him, and ironically less of (them) the very people through whom I am supposed to be loving Him.  A retreat?  A weekly Holy Hour?  An evening of family prayer in which everybody prays nicely and nobody has to be disciplined?  I hope and pray that I am not entirely failing at this calling, and that there is Grace abounding even where I can not see it taking affect.

Homeschooling has had its ups and downs this year.  In some ways, it has been going well.  I see Peter starting to be more competent in his subjects and enjoying reading on his own more.  Charlie has been doing very well with his reading, and we have all been enjoying a numerous selection of picture books.  Peter has been enjoying his "storybook" history.  In the Fall we were able to do more of our science outdoors, which everyone enjoyed..  Yet, in other ways, this year has been quite a disappointment.  Over the summer, we had worked very hard on relationships and behavior.   The result over the summer was that the boys were more willingly helping with chores, speaking and acting respectfully, and were truly enjoyable to be around.  Unfortunately, the business of homeschooling makes it nearly impossible (for someone like myself) to enforce the same standards of behavior.  Too often whining and complaining has gone unchecked, chores have gone undone, and discipline has been dished out impatiently and haphazardly.  Quality time to just enjoy each other has been at a minimum.   I have to take the lion's share of the blame when I say that my relationship with my boys is not what I would like it to be.  The other cause of sadness, is the lack of time/attention to devote to my dear Jonas.  How it breaks my heard when he comes up to me during a lesson or discussion with his brothers asking me to help him put on a costume or read him a story.  (My hands are usually also full of Gabriel, who likes to be carried around nearly constantly).  

I guess some would say, "That is what school is for!"   In a sense, they are probably right.  It would solve a few problems, but it would create others.  My boys genuinely love each other and are the best of friends.  I can't see that being quite as "cool" in a classroom.  They are innocent as can be, praise God, and have not been exposed to much of what a public school student invariably would.  They are both bright and learning slightly ahead of the curve, though I wish they had the enthusiasm to go beyond what I make them do.  (I suppose this is entirely to idealistic).   So we continue to try to build, brick by brick, our family, our Faith, our education, and our love for each other.   With prayer and trust.

Finally, gratitude.  I must express that through all the ups and downs, I am so grateful for my boys, each  one.   I am so grateful for all that the Lord is teaching me in this semester of my life.  I am so grateful that I married such a loving and devoted husband.  I am grateful for all my family and the love and support we receive from them.  I am so grateful to be able to teach my children each day, to have the gift of time to give them and the gift of myself.  


Have a Blessed and Beautiful Christmas everyone!  May Christ come newly into your family and our world!

..Where the heart is..

Dear friends,

Sometimes we have to give ourselves a kick, a quick reminder to have a grateful heart for all we have been given.  I don't even call it a sacrifice of praise, but rather a just acknowledgement that the whining I am about to do is totally unjustified in light of the great good that God has shown me...  Regardless;

I mentioned in my last blog post that we recently moved back to the town where I grew up.  We were able to pass the summer bye, barely feeling the effects of the move.  We had quite a soft cushion of the welcoming arms of family and some new friends to soften the blow of leaving our house, our community, and our dear friends behind.

Well, now that it is fall I am gaining a greater appreciation for the change that has taken place in our lives.  I celebrate the new- but I have to admit that at times my heart longs for the old.   I miss the comfort of familiar friendships- the mercy, trust, and warmth that comes only from years of seeing each other through the ups and downs..

I also miss also the feeling of owning our own home...  I miss feeling like each paycheck was going towards building- building a future for our children, building a life and a home...  Whether we were doing well for ourselves or struggling through home repairs and upkeep, at least it was ours.   Just like our little family that put our trust in the Lord and started to make our way some eight years ago, it was with great Faith and anticipation that we put our first payment into our home.  It may have been more humble than grand, but we took pride in it.  We maintained it and we made it our own.  We made it work for the needs of our children as our little family grew from a family of four to a family of 6 in the time we lived there.   We watched our children have great adventures in our backyard, and zip around our basement on their cars as they went from babies to toddlers to little boys.

Our boys seem different since we moved.   Part of this is the fact that they are older.  But, another part seems like a portion of them has been lost...  A memory, a continuity of the little people that they were then and the less little people that they are now....  But perhaps it is not just the boys, perhaps it is our family that seems different....  There is something about striking out on your own as a young couple that draws and binds you together- like a glue when you know what you have is each other and the Lord to guide you.

Perhaps all this melancholy comes from being in limbo, not sure what is going to happen with Brendan's job, not sure how long we will be in this area, scared to build too much of a life only to start again...  Perhaps it comes from a need to distance ourselves a little from the family that surrounds us so that we can reclaim the family that God has made in us...  Perhaps it is time to re-ground ourselves in prayer and petition the Lord to help us...

I must admit, I have been waking up quite frequently lately filled with quite a bit of anxiety...  Part of this is because the times I have had to pray and reflect have been few and day to day life has been very busy.   Yet, there is a God who knows me and has not forgotten me...  He has a plan and a purpose...  He leads me besides still waters and restores my soul...

Random updates!.

Soooo...  I thought rather than wait until I have the time to write anything decent, I would write when I don't have the time (or the energy) and just see what comes across from pen to page!  (typewriter to page).  I know it will probably be laden with blatant grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, so if you are the type who will cringe, please just stop reading now....

So a lot has happened since I last updated my blog!  We discerned that we needed to move back where I grew up, we got our house ready to sell, we moved, and our house is currently under contract to sell at the end of the month!  The Lord's hand was definitely in this move, and once again He shows Himself to be faithful.  Not that, if things went roughly, I would doubt His presence, but the numerous blessings that have come our way cause me to once again stand in awe at all He has done for us.   For example, one thing I was stressed about was finding a speech therapist for my son who has developmental apraxia (a condition where he has difficulty coordinating between his brain and his mouth and therefor, speaking).  Not only were we able to get in with the best speech therapist in the county, but she is also a Eucharistic adorer and I get the feeling she prays for all these little people she helps.   Another blessing: after a month and a half of no bites on our house, Brendan and I started praying the St. Joseph novena, and about half way through it we got a solid offer on our house and now it is under contract.  We also feel so incredibly blessed that we have met a wonderful Catholic homeschooling family here (the Suarez family) through God's provision.   I could go on, but I will say that overall, things have been very good.  

Right now we are living in the house I grew up in until I was about 8.  It is a farmhouse on 14 acres of land, with my parents house on the same property about 200 yards away.  The house itself needs some work, as it has been unoccupied for a number of years and is an older home to begin with.  Nevertheless, I didn't think I would enjoy living in the country as much as I do.  I love that my kids can go outside and I don't have to worry about traffic, neighbors judging me for not standing out in the backyard with them like most of the helicopter parents with only one child (I was one once, too! ya know what I mean), etc. etc.  I love that they can be outside for hours at a time and not get bored, because there are so many places to  explore.  We also found tons of blackberry bushes on the property, and my mom has quite a garden including blueberries bushes, tomatoes, peppers, basil, etc. so we have gotten to enjoy the fruits of the earth.  Needless to say, the kids have also been doing their share of helping to weed the garden.  I am glad my mom can provide this experience for them as I am not a gardener.   One thing has changed for the negative since I was a kid here, and that is that now we have to worry about Lymes disease.  We are constantly pulling ticks off the kids and it makes me quite upset at the misguided animal-rights people that have allowed the deer population to become so terribly overpopulated. (The deer ticks spread the Lymes)  Venison, anyone?  

We are also gearing up for our third year of homeschooling.  I am both nervous and exited going into this year.  It will be my first year having to teach two kiddos, as Charlie is an official kindergartener this year!  Peter is going into second grade, which is a bit heavier workload for him then first.  I will need to work hard to keep him on target with his goals for this year.  Charlie is proving to be easy and delightful to teach.  That is a big relief for me!!   We have adapted quite a few of Charlotte Mason's educational techniques over the past few months.  For those who aren't familiar, she was an English educator who advocated for short lessons, beautiful and quality literature rather than texts, narrations and dictations rather than workbooks, the careful training of habits, and afternoons free to play and imagine.  We have implemented her ten household rules this past summer, and given the kids greater responsibility around the house.  That has been a very good thing (although please don't be so idealistic as to think we made these changes by peaceably giving the kids a little nudge in the right direction).  We also have done a lot of research on books lists and implemented much more literature into their daily diet.  We eliminated all TV except on the weekends (something I didn't think I could ever do).  The kids have actually been much more motivated to have me read to them, and have even cried a couple times when it was time to return new/old favorites to the library!  I still haven't had any luck getting either of them to pick up books and read books without a direct school assignment to do so, but Brendan keeps telling me that some boys are just too busy to read and let them be.  If I am honest, I will say it bothers me tremendously because I was such an avid reader as a kid.  I attribute most of my educational success to that one habit.  (Lord knows it wasn't all the studying and homework I didn't do).  I am trying to learn to accept, be patient, offer but don't nag and not drive them away from being readers altogether by constant harassing.  Suggestions?  Overall, they are learning, character is being slowly built bit by bit, and we are growing ever closer as a family.

Life with four kids is still crazy and hectic, though full of joys that outweigh the hard things.  I wonder sometimes if I will ever get to the point as a parent where all my kids brush their teeth everyday, go to bed at a reasonable time, each meals with multiple food groups, and take baths at reasonable enough intervals for me to go in public without my having to calculate who to give an emergency bath to before we leave?   The thought occurs to me now and then, also, if Brendan and I will be at the point where one of us can leave for an hour or two in the evening to get some exercise or meet with friends without the other freaking out that the bedtime routine is impossible for one person.  (It is).  I wonder if there will be any record of Gabriel's babyhood, as I don't think we have taken pictures of a single major event due to our camera breaking two years ago and never getting a new one.  All these things and more make me think maybe we should take a breather and get our acts together a bit more...  But on the other hand...  Maybe not?

Ah, well, that is my life...  Please update me with yours!  There are so many I don't see on a regular basis anymore and would love to hear from!

In Christ,

Elaine

What Catholic moms know.....

Did I mention this year I become thirty-something for the first time ever?   I am not in my twenties anymore.    I am not starting marriage, nor am I starting parenthood for the first time, Praise God!!  This year I actually get to experience both of my brothers entering their Married lives, each to wonderful women whom I love.  It is an exiting time!!  Just as my heart bursts with anticipation of what each couple's love may bring in the years to come, I also feel a deep sigh of relief that the swift swells and dips of  a new Marriage and first time parenthood have settled into the deeper and steady rhythms of a seasoned Marriage for myself.  I hope the Lord blesses them with children-- which brings me around to what I really was going to write about....

Though I am not a new mom, we have a new baby in the house.  It is a wonderful, exiting, time!  New and yet not new...  Different..  Lovely...  Amazing...    I have been reflecting with deep gratitude and joy that the Lord has blessed our family this fourth time, with yet another soul for whom God thirsts...  What an immense thing it is, to watch the unfolding of a human person- bigger, more complex, more interesting, more full of life then Brendan and I could ever have imagined or dreamed up.  Such uniqueness could only be thought up by the One for whom this little life was created.  Perhaps this is what shocks new parents the most: the MOREness of each life- its depth, our ability to look upon it without truly comprehending it, our task of raising each life without truly being qualified to satisfy it or shape it....  If there is a reason why parenthood is startling, maybe that is it?   Perhaps, even if it is only at a subconscious level, we know this child was meant for more then us..  He is a gift to us, but not ours...  

But no, I am not going to give a lecture on how to raise a child for God...  There are many who could give but better and more profound advice then me...  I just wanted to comment on how much I wish that I could share the experience being a new (old) parent with so many of the moms (many much better moms then myself) who have not gotten to experience it....  We are getting to the stage now where many who we started our parenting journey with years ago have announced- proudly, defeatedly, or perhaps even with a touch of grief and sadness- that they are DONE...  It is perhaps the most common conversation at our moms groups, "Are you done?" "Is this it?" " How MANY kids are you going to have anyway?"  Plans are made for going back to work, getting into new routines of school sports, minivans, having something resembling "normal" after years of getting pooped on, whined at, and all the other craziness of babyhood and toddlerdom....  For some, this is a huge relief...  For others, there may be the unseen pain of infertility, marriages on the brink, or financial distress...  But for others, (and these are the ones I mourn), there is a child in their heart, who God would love to send them, but the unspoken fear and insecurity that holds them back.   There is questioning of "Can I parent another child?", "Would we be ok?", "Would our other children adjust to having another life in the house?"  I can relate to these fears.   I have had them myself.  And yet, from the bottom of my heart I am grateful for my Catholic Faith which tells me that there is Grace sufficient- sufficient for each and every life that He sends: not just those that are planned, not just those in ideal circumstances, but each and every child without exception.   My friend Sarah pointed out that none of us will stand before the Lord and be condemned for placing too much trust in Him and not exercising enough control.   So take courage and pay attention to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.    He just may bless you..  :)