What Catholic moms know.....

Did I mention this year I become thirty-something for the first time ever?   I am not in my twenties anymore.    I am not starting marriage, nor am I starting parenthood for the first time, Praise God!!  This year I actually get to experience both of my brothers entering their Married lives, each to wonderful women whom I love.  It is an exiting time!!  Just as my heart bursts with anticipation of what each couple's love may bring in the years to come, I also feel a deep sigh of relief that the swift swells and dips of  a new Marriage and first time parenthood have settled into the deeper and steady rhythms of a seasoned Marriage for myself.  I hope the Lord blesses them with children-- which brings me around to what I really was going to write about....

Though I am not a new mom, we have a new baby in the house.  It is a wonderful, exiting, time!  New and yet not new...  Different..  Lovely...  Amazing...    I have been reflecting with deep gratitude and joy that the Lord has blessed our family this fourth time, with yet another soul for whom God thirsts...  What an immense thing it is, to watch the unfolding of a human person- bigger, more complex, more interesting, more full of life then Brendan and I could ever have imagined or dreamed up.  Such uniqueness could only be thought up by the One for whom this little life was created.  Perhaps this is what shocks new parents the most: the MOREness of each life- its depth, our ability to look upon it without truly comprehending it, our task of raising each life without truly being qualified to satisfy it or shape it....  If there is a reason why parenthood is startling, maybe that is it?   Perhaps, even if it is only at a subconscious level, we know this child was meant for more then us..  He is a gift to us, but not ours...  

But no, I am not going to give a lecture on how to raise a child for God...  There are many who could give but better and more profound advice then me...  I just wanted to comment on how much I wish that I could share the experience being a new (old) parent with so many of the moms (many much better moms then myself) who have not gotten to experience it....  We are getting to the stage now where many who we started our parenting journey with years ago have announced- proudly, defeatedly, or perhaps even with a touch of grief and sadness- that they are DONE...  It is perhaps the most common conversation at our moms groups, "Are you done?" "Is this it?" " How MANY kids are you going to have anyway?"  Plans are made for going back to work, getting into new routines of school sports, minivans, having something resembling "normal" after years of getting pooped on, whined at, and all the other craziness of babyhood and toddlerdom....  For some, this is a huge relief...  For others, there may be the unseen pain of infertility, marriages on the brink, or financial distress...  But for others, (and these are the ones I mourn), there is a child in their heart, who God would love to send them, but the unspoken fear and insecurity that holds them back.   There is questioning of "Can I parent another child?", "Would we be ok?", "Would our other children adjust to having another life in the house?"  I can relate to these fears.   I have had them myself.  And yet, from the bottom of my heart I am grateful for my Catholic Faith which tells me that there is Grace sufficient- sufficient for each and every life that He sends: not just those that are planned, not just those in ideal circumstances, but each and every child without exception.   My friend Sarah pointed out that none of us will stand before the Lord and be condemned for placing too much trust in Him and not exercising enough control.   So take courage and pay attention to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.    He just may bless you..  :)