Before I begin, I will give a quick praise report: Gabriel Matthew was born Sept. 20th, 6 lb. 4 oz. He is beautiful and is quickly capturing the hearts of the whole family. He is truly a special boy and a gift from God.
Last month, if you ran into me, I would have asked you to pray for a smooth delivery of our baby boy. I was praying very hard for this myself, as well as for him to be a good nurser. After three smooth deliveries, and after having nursed successfully before, I had no reason to expect it would be otherwise. Yet, even prior to delivery I had a sense that this prayer would not be answered in the way I hoped.
On Sept. 19th (11 days overdue) I went into the midwives office where they did a bio-physical profile on Gabriel. The midwives saw little to no amniotic fluid, and very few breathing motions, and a little 6 lb. baby who was positioned kind of sideways rather then back-facing to be born. I am sure this is all very routine to them, but I remember sitting in the office as the midwives spoke quietly to the Dr. down the hall. They didn't tell me this, but it wasn't hard to figure out they were discussing whether Gabriel was healthy enough to endure labor, or whether to section me right away. After a few minutes discussion, the midwife came back and told me to go home, eat lunch, and go the the hospital to be induced. I breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn't getting sectioned, but felt very unsure about how the rest of the day was going to go. I sent out a quick email and a few texts to the beautiful Christian friends that I have asking them to pray for me and for baby. I didn't want to let on how anxious I was. Part of me felt ashamed- of my body for not doing a better job growing and delivering him, and for my lack of emotional strength going into all of this. It was surprisingly difficult for me to say I was scared, I needed you all, I needed your prayers, your support, etc. And yet, right away after I asked for prayers the emails started coming in, texts started coming in, friends were putting me and the baby on prayer chains, attending Mass for us, and storming Heaven that this little guy would arrive safely. I doubt that there is a baby anywhere who received more prayers on his birthday! My phone got very spotty service once in the delivery room, but Brendan (who has a better phone with better service) gave the play by play to a few close friends and relatives. The labor went on all night, as the midwives scratched their heads in confusion as nothing went as planned. Hours were spent staring at Gabriel's heart monitor, watching whether the "dips" we were seeing warranted an emergency c-section. I don't think I ever would have been able to endure all this except for the strength that God gave me from the prayers that were being said. At 9:21 the following morning, Gabriel was finally born; healthy, beautiful (once the meconium got washed off), and sweetly crying. (at least it sounded sweet to me, because they were nervous he wouldn't be breathing).
This wasn't the labor I had planned. This wasn't the labor I had hoped for. But, it was the labor I had prayed for. It was the beginning of a plan God had, and has been unfolding over these last few weeks, which is sweeter in so many ways then the one I could have dreamt up.
Let me explain just a little bit. My Jesus, who knows me better then anybody, knows how insecure I can be sometimes. I have a tendency to be pridefully independent, and stubbornly strong. I know how silly this attitude is, given that we are all at all times entirely dependent on our Heavenly Father, and all the gifts he has given us- whether intelligence, money, strength, etc. are not earned but rather graces shared with us- not having done anything to earn or deserve them. Yet, so it is with me. I rarely admit when I am hurting, struggling, or just plain overwhelmed. I think it makes me look weak and incompetent. And yet, God's will was that I should (this time) be weak and overwhelmed.
After returning home, I was not able to pick up and vigorously take the reigns of my life back like I thought I would. In additional to the physical challenge of nursing and recovering from birth, Gabriel did not want to be put down. The first week Brendan and I took shifts, day and night. My normal body rhythms got replaced by adrenalin. The second week, I started to feel the familiar burn of ductal yeast- a very painful infection with nursing. Somehow, with all the pain I was having, I didn't notice that Gabriel was getting sleepier and skinnier. After two weeks home, Gabriel was not plumping up into that sweet breastfed baby fat with rosy cheeks, but was actually 10 oz. below his birth weight. I felt embarrassed and like a failure; because my little guy who God charged me with caring for was starving, because I hadn't noticed, and because as a woman, this should all come naturally to me! My pride was shattered and my heart was aching.
But, once again, there is a Resurrection to this story. Without my asking it or ever expecting it, the Body of Christ that surrounds me sprung into action. My mom came up and stayed for a few extra days, as did Brendan's mom. Friends extended our meal-train so that we had a full three weeks of dinners delivered to us- and then some. I don't want to embarrass her by mentioning her name on here, but a dear friend started pumping an extra time every day and delivered her extra milk to our door while my milk supply was low so that we could avoid formula and get Gabriel on track. A mother from our homeschooling group arranged for our three older kids to have playdates all week this week while Brendan was working so that I could get some sleep. With my others births, I spend hundreds of dollars on lactation consultants to try to establish nursing, but this time the mother of one of our homeschooling moms (a lactation consultant) checked up on me and followed up with me free of charge. Moms have driven as far as from Saratoga to deliver us healthy home cooked meals, one mom even surprised us with pizza and subs from Inferno! Another friend has texted me just about every day just to say hi- how are you holding up? This isn't just empty sentiment either because the minute she senses things are not going ok, she is here helping out- tangible, actual help. These are not women without anything to do- but women with full active lives, some with large families of their own. I was overwhelmed, but this time not with stress but with the love that has been shown to us.
I am reminded of the story of Tobit- one of those quirky Bible stories with the funny kind of details that only God would think to put in there. I am not going to recount the whole story, but it is one in which God specifically answers the prayers of Sarah and Tobit in exactly the opposite way as they expect. His plan is so much better.
I prayed for strength for labor. I prayed for a baby that nursed well. I prayed for things to be easy and smooth. God has taught me its ok to be weak and overwhelmed sometimes. He healed me of my pride and manifested the Strength, Power, and Love of His body- with the sure knowledge that I am part of it. Thank you, Lord.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Top 10 brutally honest reasons why we homeschool
Ah, and you all thought this was finally the baby post? Nope. Tricked ya. Baby is still comfortably late...
OK so at the risk of offending some and inspiring others, I am going to write down the top reasons that homeschooling works for our family. I know some have strong opinions one way or the other about homeschooling. Some would love to do it, but imagine themselves sitting at home hour after hour pulling their hair out while screaming at unkempt children to sit and get to work. (OK, so perhaps this is occasionally true.) Others are completely against it, deeming it almost child abuse or brainwashing. We as a family, though, have our own subjective, highly individual reasons for making this choice. Some of these reasons are obvious and a bit stereotypical, others you may not expect. Read if you are interested!
10. I am an overprotective Mom. (OK You can all say "I KNEW IT!" and prove me guilty.) Its true, though. Alright, so if I really felt that "over" protective was the right word, I probably wouldn't be that way. But protective in the sense of some of the things the average child is allowed to do, I simply don't feel comfortable with. Take for instance, letting my kids go over to the house of a child where I do not know the parents well. My oldest is 6 and I just could not imagine trusting a stranger to make sure the conversation, content of any tv shows and video games, as well as play with siblings represented the type of values we hold dear in our family. If you take it a step further and ask whether he would be allowed to do sleepovers, a childhood tradition which I enjoyed, the answer is no way in h&*% unless it were a very close friend of our family or a relative. Even then, I think I would be a nervous wreck. Those who disagree will certainly say that my overprotectiveness is sure to backfire and result in highly rebellious children with whom no trust is established. Certainly, that is a possibility. But right now, I have to go with my reason and my gut. I could send him to school knowing this is our families policy, but it just seems like that would be setting him up for difficulty and conflict with us.
9. My children are energetic, and I think it is unrealistic that children should be cooped up in a classroom for so many hours. My children love to run, play, laugh, talk out of turn, and entertain each other with all varieties of imaginative and active games. Sometimes in the winter, it is difficult to find an outlet for their energy, but most of the time I love that about them. In an age when so many children are facing health problems due to poor diet and inactivity, I love that I can give mine the opportunity to run, play, and be children. Some have said to me, "But, isn't that what the REAL world is like, shouldn't they get used to it now so they can have a job someday?" Unfortunately, the adult world often times does force us into rigid schedules and sedentary lifestyles, but childhood does not need to be that way.
8. School is simply too many hours away from family. I am so highly blessed to be a stay at home mom. I have developed a very close relationship with each one of my children and miss them terribly when they are away. They have also developed incredibly close relationships with each other. Yes, they fight like normal children. I am simply one of those people who believe that quantity time is more important than "quality time". It is being real with each other, knowing each others faults and learning how to deal with them, learning to love each other and enjoy each other despite the ups and downs. I believe that many people in today's world deal with an incredible amount of loneliness, due to the shallowness of relationships that are developed out of convenience or having one thing in common. Today sports and other commitments often represent additional hours away from family, so I wonder where is there time to develop that closeness? I want my children's relationships with each other and their parents to represent the unconditional love that the family unit was designed to provide.
7. I have been incredibly impressed with the kindness of most homeschooling children. Sure, there are kind children in public school. I am sure there are homeschooled children who are bullies. But, from my limited perspective, the average homeschooled child who I have met has been genuine, wholesome, and kind. There have been a number of times I have been impressed with the thoughtfulness or inclusiveness of a child at the park or playground, only to find out that they are homeschooled. So without generalizing too much or offending too many people with wholesome, genuine, public schooled children, I will stop there.
6. There is little in a public school education that I find to be of lasting value. I am sure there are wonderful teachers out there. Many are caring, dedicated individuals, who do there best to provide and rich education to each student they care for. Nevertheless, the majority of the content is dictated by public policy; reflecting the political and educational winds rather then what has proven "tried and true" over the course of many years. As a mom designing my own curriculum, I have the opportunity to choose! I can scan the great childhood literature, most of which I never got to read in my less then stellar Catholic school education. I choose what I think would be the most interesting and beneficial to my child. I can expose them to great art and music. Will we study American History this year or the Middle Ages? We have the flexibility to go with their interests as well. Just this morning the kids found a strange insect in the backyard. They wanted to know what it was and why it was in our yard. All of this we were able to do without missing a beat. The ability to engage more fully in a topic or area of interest opens up so many possibilities.
5. Along with choosing the content, I also get to choose the method of delivery: Does my child learn best from a textbook, from an engaging story, from writing, teaching, acting, or seeing? Perhaps he needs to touch and feel the material we are engaging. Already this year with math, Peter was struggling with some of the concepts. We stopped working in his workbook a few days and did only manipulatives. Once he understood all the concepts, I was able to explain to him what it looked like on paper. It was a much better result! Last year my analytical child took off in reading because I chose a highly phonics based approach, with no "sight words" or guessing from pictures. I know my children and I am able to come up with the approach that works for each of them.
4. I genuinely enjoy "doing school." While there are times I want to slack off and let them watch tv for a day, or where they test my limits with rebelling against doing schoolwork, I don't think it is any worse then an average parent's battles over homework. On the other hand, nothing beats the thrill of seeing your child light up with enthusiasm at having finally understood a new concept or pridefully showing off his artwork. I think there is a certain closeness that is developed from learning and accomplishing together.
3. I don't like crowds. Homeschooling allows us to do everything from Dentist appointments to trips to Great Escape when there are fewer people to contend with. I thoroughly look forward to getting "off peak" rates on our family's vacations in the future.
2. It allows us to see our extended families more. Brendan oftentimes is called to work away from where we live now and in the hometown I grew up. I love that I can easily pack up the kids and see the Grandparents for a few days, without missing a day of school. I love that I can easily take a day or two off when other family is in town, and catch up when we have slower days. I think I would have a very difficult time with Brendan's travel schedule without the flexibility that homeschooling provides.
1. You guessed it: Faith. I can respect many different sets of values and perspectives, and the individuals that embody them, but when it comes to our Catholic Christian Faith, I believe that my children were tremendously Blessed to be born into the Truth. I believe that I have a tremendous responsibility to teach them and to help form their character for the demands of their Faith. I also truly believe that during the young, impressionable years, it is better to learn one's own Faith well in an environment that truly supports it then to be exposed to many differing sets of values and beliefs at once. Many of the other families that we have met through homeschooling share our Faith and our values, providing a wonderful community and context for learning and sharing their Faith. Perhaps I am wrong about this, but I think that it is only after a person has learned and seen the truth, will he or she can recognize what is a lie. Therefore, these years I will try my best to teach, mold, and model their character as I am sure God is giving me the Grace to do.
Feel free to comment: positive, negative, or in between! There is no perfect solution and not one solution that works for every family. This is what works for our family right now. It could change someday! God Bless!
Elaine
OK so at the risk of offending some and inspiring others, I am going to write down the top reasons that homeschooling works for our family. I know some have strong opinions one way or the other about homeschooling. Some would love to do it, but imagine themselves sitting at home hour after hour pulling their hair out while screaming at unkempt children to sit and get to work. (OK, so perhaps this is occasionally true.) Others are completely against it, deeming it almost child abuse or brainwashing. We as a family, though, have our own subjective, highly individual reasons for making this choice. Some of these reasons are obvious and a bit stereotypical, others you may not expect. Read if you are interested!
10. I am an overprotective Mom. (OK You can all say "I KNEW IT!" and prove me guilty.) Its true, though. Alright, so if I really felt that "over" protective was the right word, I probably wouldn't be that way. But protective in the sense of some of the things the average child is allowed to do, I simply don't feel comfortable with. Take for instance, letting my kids go over to the house of a child where I do not know the parents well. My oldest is 6 and I just could not imagine trusting a stranger to make sure the conversation, content of any tv shows and video games, as well as play with siblings represented the type of values we hold dear in our family. If you take it a step further and ask whether he would be allowed to do sleepovers, a childhood tradition which I enjoyed, the answer is no way in h&*% unless it were a very close friend of our family or a relative. Even then, I think I would be a nervous wreck. Those who disagree will certainly say that my overprotectiveness is sure to backfire and result in highly rebellious children with whom no trust is established. Certainly, that is a possibility. But right now, I have to go with my reason and my gut. I could send him to school knowing this is our families policy, but it just seems like that would be setting him up for difficulty and conflict with us.
9. My children are energetic, and I think it is unrealistic that children should be cooped up in a classroom for so many hours. My children love to run, play, laugh, talk out of turn, and entertain each other with all varieties of imaginative and active games. Sometimes in the winter, it is difficult to find an outlet for their energy, but most of the time I love that about them. In an age when so many children are facing health problems due to poor diet and inactivity, I love that I can give mine the opportunity to run, play, and be children. Some have said to me, "But, isn't that what the REAL world is like, shouldn't they get used to it now so they can have a job someday?" Unfortunately, the adult world often times does force us into rigid schedules and sedentary lifestyles, but childhood does not need to be that way.
8. School is simply too many hours away from family. I am so highly blessed to be a stay at home mom. I have developed a very close relationship with each one of my children and miss them terribly when they are away. They have also developed incredibly close relationships with each other. Yes, they fight like normal children. I am simply one of those people who believe that quantity time is more important than "quality time". It is being real with each other, knowing each others faults and learning how to deal with them, learning to love each other and enjoy each other despite the ups and downs. I believe that many people in today's world deal with an incredible amount of loneliness, due to the shallowness of relationships that are developed out of convenience or having one thing in common. Today sports and other commitments often represent additional hours away from family, so I wonder where is there time to develop that closeness? I want my children's relationships with each other and their parents to represent the unconditional love that the family unit was designed to provide.
7. I have been incredibly impressed with the kindness of most homeschooling children. Sure, there are kind children in public school. I am sure there are homeschooled children who are bullies. But, from my limited perspective, the average homeschooled child who I have met has been genuine, wholesome, and kind. There have been a number of times I have been impressed with the thoughtfulness or inclusiveness of a child at the park or playground, only to find out that they are homeschooled. So without generalizing too much or offending too many people with wholesome, genuine, public schooled children, I will stop there.
6. There is little in a public school education that I find to be of lasting value. I am sure there are wonderful teachers out there. Many are caring, dedicated individuals, who do there best to provide and rich education to each student they care for. Nevertheless, the majority of the content is dictated by public policy; reflecting the political and educational winds rather then what has proven "tried and true" over the course of many years. As a mom designing my own curriculum, I have the opportunity to choose! I can scan the great childhood literature, most of which I never got to read in my less then stellar Catholic school education. I choose what I think would be the most interesting and beneficial to my child. I can expose them to great art and music. Will we study American History this year or the Middle Ages? We have the flexibility to go with their interests as well. Just this morning the kids found a strange insect in the backyard. They wanted to know what it was and why it was in our yard. All of this we were able to do without missing a beat. The ability to engage more fully in a topic or area of interest opens up so many possibilities.
5. Along with choosing the content, I also get to choose the method of delivery: Does my child learn best from a textbook, from an engaging story, from writing, teaching, acting, or seeing? Perhaps he needs to touch and feel the material we are engaging. Already this year with math, Peter was struggling with some of the concepts. We stopped working in his workbook a few days and did only manipulatives. Once he understood all the concepts, I was able to explain to him what it looked like on paper. It was a much better result! Last year my analytical child took off in reading because I chose a highly phonics based approach, with no "sight words" or guessing from pictures. I know my children and I am able to come up with the approach that works for each of them.
4. I genuinely enjoy "doing school." While there are times I want to slack off and let them watch tv for a day, or where they test my limits with rebelling against doing schoolwork, I don't think it is any worse then an average parent's battles over homework. On the other hand, nothing beats the thrill of seeing your child light up with enthusiasm at having finally understood a new concept or pridefully showing off his artwork. I think there is a certain closeness that is developed from learning and accomplishing together.
3. I don't like crowds. Homeschooling allows us to do everything from Dentist appointments to trips to Great Escape when there are fewer people to contend with. I thoroughly look forward to getting "off peak" rates on our family's vacations in the future.
2. It allows us to see our extended families more. Brendan oftentimes is called to work away from where we live now and in the hometown I grew up. I love that I can easily pack up the kids and see the Grandparents for a few days, without missing a day of school. I love that I can easily take a day or two off when other family is in town, and catch up when we have slower days. I think I would have a very difficult time with Brendan's travel schedule without the flexibility that homeschooling provides.
1. You guessed it: Faith. I can respect many different sets of values and perspectives, and the individuals that embody them, but when it comes to our Catholic Christian Faith, I believe that my children were tremendously Blessed to be born into the Truth. I believe that I have a tremendous responsibility to teach them and to help form their character for the demands of their Faith. I also truly believe that during the young, impressionable years, it is better to learn one's own Faith well in an environment that truly supports it then to be exposed to many differing sets of values and beliefs at once. Many of the other families that we have met through homeschooling share our Faith and our values, providing a wonderful community and context for learning and sharing their Faith. Perhaps I am wrong about this, but I think that it is only after a person has learned and seen the truth, will he or she can recognize what is a lie. Therefore, these years I will try my best to teach, mold, and model their character as I am sure God is giving me the Grace to do.
Feel free to comment: positive, negative, or in between! There is no perfect solution and not one solution that works for every family. This is what works for our family right now. It could change someday! God Bless!
Elaine
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Aware of God's blessing, 7 weeks to go!
Hi All,
Yeah, I know.... It has been way too long since I have updated my blog... Just when you think you have things under control, everything gets flipped around again, turned upside down, and somehow it all works to the Glory of God.
We are just a little more then 7 weeks from Gabriel's expected arrival date! He is so big now I feel him move around constantly, kicking me in the ribs, sticking his little knees or butt out in a particular direction, you know? Just the other day, my friend Julie felt him move and she said to me "Wow, there is really a person in there!" You got it... There is a little person whose reality at this time is sheltered, protected, and nourished, by my body. That is the only reality that he knows. I wonder if he has a sense of how much we love him already. I wonder often if he somehow can sense that as soon as I found I was pregnant with him the awe I had at the mystery of conception, the amazement at God's creation and the sense that He is using my body to bring one of his little ones into the world. I wonder if he knows on some level that he has three brothers who are eagerly anticipating meeting him, holding him, playing with him, and making him laugh. I wonder if he knows he will have one of the all time greatest dads, ready to stay up late at night holding him and rocking him and kissing him on his baby-smelling head.
And yet, even as I am blessed to experience God's child growing within me, I have some close dear friends who experience firsthand the pain of miscarriage or infertility, as well as those eagerly anticipating taking that test to see is this the time that it finally worked?... I know women who would make wonderful mothers, whose arms ache to hold their little ones, or who feel deeply in their hearts that God is calling them to welcome another little person into their home. I think it is one of those things I simply don't yet understand, I just turn my heart up to God and ask Him why? Why is it that the miracle that comes so seemingly easy to some is only a distant dream for others? It seems a heartache that only the Lord in His sovereignty can understand, only He can answer. I wish I knew how to rectify the abundant blessings I have been given while being aware of the heartbreak that others experience. And yet I know that somehow all of our sufferings, whatever they may be, are in turn part of God's love-story with us. Somehow He draws beauty out of sadness, fashioning fragile and intricate vessels to hold His love in broken hearts. I think our Heavenly father's heart breaks every time one of His children experience heartbreak and loss, I don't think it is His will. And yet, the beauty of His son on the cross is written into every suffering and reveals it to the world.
So today, I just ask your prayers for moms everywhere. Pray for those with babies in Heaven, those who are pregnant, those who would love to be pregnant! Pray for each creation that God sends into this world.
Love and God Bless, Elaine
Yeah, I know.... It has been way too long since I have updated my blog... Just when you think you have things under control, everything gets flipped around again, turned upside down, and somehow it all works to the Glory of God.
We are just a little more then 7 weeks from Gabriel's expected arrival date! He is so big now I feel him move around constantly, kicking me in the ribs, sticking his little knees or butt out in a particular direction, you know? Just the other day, my friend Julie felt him move and she said to me "Wow, there is really a person in there!" You got it... There is a little person whose reality at this time is sheltered, protected, and nourished, by my body. That is the only reality that he knows. I wonder if he has a sense of how much we love him already. I wonder often if he somehow can sense that as soon as I found I was pregnant with him the awe I had at the mystery of conception, the amazement at God's creation and the sense that He is using my body to bring one of his little ones into the world. I wonder if he knows on some level that he has three brothers who are eagerly anticipating meeting him, holding him, playing with him, and making him laugh. I wonder if he knows he will have one of the all time greatest dads, ready to stay up late at night holding him and rocking him and kissing him on his baby-smelling head.
And yet, even as I am blessed to experience God's child growing within me, I have some close dear friends who experience firsthand the pain of miscarriage or infertility, as well as those eagerly anticipating taking that test to see is this the time that it finally worked?... I know women who would make wonderful mothers, whose arms ache to hold their little ones, or who feel deeply in their hearts that God is calling them to welcome another little person into their home. I think it is one of those things I simply don't yet understand, I just turn my heart up to God and ask Him why? Why is it that the miracle that comes so seemingly easy to some is only a distant dream for others? It seems a heartache that only the Lord in His sovereignty can understand, only He can answer. I wish I knew how to rectify the abundant blessings I have been given while being aware of the heartbreak that others experience. And yet I know that somehow all of our sufferings, whatever they may be, are in turn part of God's love-story with us. Somehow He draws beauty out of sadness, fashioning fragile and intricate vessels to hold His love in broken hearts. I think our Heavenly father's heart breaks every time one of His children experience heartbreak and loss, I don't think it is His will. And yet, the beauty of His son on the cross is written into every suffering and reveals it to the world.
So today, I just ask your prayers for moms everywhere. Pray for those with babies in Heaven, those who are pregnant, those who would love to be pregnant! Pray for each creation that God sends into this world.
Love and God Bless, Elaine
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Sunday school shenanigans...
I thought I would try to write down some of the funnier conversations the kids and I have had pertaining to religion, before I forget them. I hope you are all as amused by them as I was!
Lesson on the Annunciation:
After reading through the gospel story, we got to the question and answer session:
Me: What did Mary say when the angel came to her and asked her to be the mother of the Messiah?
Peter: I think she said: "Oh No! We have to clean!"
Lesson on the rich young man:
After reading through the gospel story, question and answer session:
Me: The rich young man asked Jesus what he had to do to gain eternal life. What did Jesus say:
Peter: Jesus said to the rich young man, "First you have to get really old, then you die."
Lesson on the Ascension:
Peter: Mommy, how can Jesus fly?
Me: He is God so He can. God has all the powers.
Peter: No I mean, like, HOW can he fly? Did he have rocket shoes like ironman?
Lesson on Creation:
After going through creation story:
Peter: Did God make cars?
Me: God made people and he made us smart so we can make cars.
Peter: Well, did he make houses?
Me: God made the trees and the people and gave us everything we need to make the houses.
Peter: What about roads? Trucks?
Me: (similar explanation)
Peter: (disappointed): So you are telling me, God pretty much didn't do ANYTHING?
Less on the Mass:
Peter: How can a priest, if he is just a man, turn bread into Jesus?
Me: Jesus gave that power to his apostles and to those they ordained to become priests.
Peter: So if I became a priest, I would have that power too?
Me: Yes
Peter: Well, how do I become one?
Me: Well, Jesus has to ask you to become one. Then if you decide you can study for a long time and the Bishop will ordain you. You can decide to do that instead of getting married because priests serve the Church.
Peter: You mean priests can't get married?
Me: No, they serve God's people in the Church.
Peter: Well, forget it then.
Charlie: Yeah, me neither.
Peter (reconsidering): Well, at least if you become a priest you become very rich.
Me: (clearly confused): Why do you say that? I don't think most priests are rich.
Peter: Well, maybe they aren't ALL rich, but Father DuBois is very rich. He has a LOT of money. SO MUCH money!
Me: (still confused): How do you know?
Peter: Every week I see people giving him all that money when the basket comes around. Yep, he has a LOT of money.
Lesson on the Our Father:
While going through the Our Father and what all the different parts mean:
And lead us not into Temptation:
Peter: What is temptation?
Me: Temptation is things you aren't supposed to do, but you want to do them anyway. Like, how mommy told you not to get out of bed at night and sneak your DS, but sometimes you want to. Or, taking candy from Charlie's Easter basket. Things your not supposed to do.
Peter: Well, I think I am going to say the opposite. Temptation sounds like pretty much ALL the FUN things!
Charlie and Uncle Guy:
Uncle Guy: Charlie, I love you all the way to the moon!
Charlie: Well, uncle Guy, I love you all the way PAST Heaven where Jesus is, to the OTHER side!
Friday, May 11, 2012
The irony of the Spirit
Hey all,
It is so funny how the Holy Spirit works sometimes. At least for me, sometimes I will feel very close to God and then days or months will go by where I just keep going, not really being sure if I am still paying attention, still absorbing all God is saying to me in my life. Then, just as I am getting a little discouraged, He will swoop in and blow me away with His plans again, and I know once again He is with me. Hopefully I can communicate a little of that here in my blog, as I tell you a little bit about the latest events in our lives.
So Brendan and I have decided for certain on a name! We are going to name our newest baby boy Gabriel Matthew. Picking a name for us has always been something that Brendan and I treasure and think is an important responsibility. It has to be more then just nice sounding or trendy, and it has to have meaning, and be appropriate for both his childhood and adulthood. I am one of those who believes that when you pray about a name and what God wants, sometimes the answer comes to you. We can get some degree of comfort knowing that our child has existed in the mind of God long before they are given to us as a gift. Come to find out my due date is right around Sept. 8th. For me, this is significant because in the Church, Sept 8th is held as the day in which we remember the birth of Mary. I know devotion to the Blessed Mother is something that I do not share with all my Christian brothers and sisters, but I have such a strong devotion to this beautiful woman, I truly believe that God has given her to all Christians as a gift to lead us to Him. I have such love and reverence for Mary as my mother, I was delighted that my child was due on her birthday! So, Brendan and I wanted to pick a name that would represent a Saint with great devotion to Jesus through Mary. The top names were Dominic (as Saint Dominic spread devotion to the rosary as a way of prayer), Maximilian (who taught authentic faith and devotion to Jesus through Mary in Poland when the culture was faced with atheism and nihilism, then willingly gave up his life in exchange for another man's at Aushwitz), and finally Gabriel, (who in the Bible proposes God's plan to Mary that she would be the mother of the Redeemer.). Brendan and I both felt that Gabriel was the name of our child. One night shortly after we had decided on Gabriel, I was up and I prayed to God that I would know the middle name by the next day. The name "Matthew" popped into my head that night. In the morning Brendan got up and asked me what I thought about the name Gabriel Matthew. I loved it and I think it is a nice way to honor my Uncle Matt who died just over a year ago. FYI the name Gabriel means "Strong Man of God", while Matthew means "Gift of God".
The other thing that has been happening in my life is a new degree of certainty with our plan to homeschool. God has been so good in answering so many of my prayers to make life a little easier for us, and to show me His path. I had been really struggling for a while with feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, but the changes that we have made have brought about a renewed feeling of hope and purpose. I am so incredibly happy now with how well my kids are doing and I am looking forward to the challenges that our second year homeschooling and our newest addition will bring.
Finally, for a long time I was uncertain whether I would still be serving the Lord leaving any kind of organized "ministry" opportunities. I have felt in the past such a strong call to serve God in this way, I was feeling lost and like I had failed now that my call was to be more focused on home, and less on "ministry". Adding to this sense of loss of purpose is the fact that my efforts to assist in a lesser capacity in my old ministry have not worked out as I had hoped they would. All of this combined to my saying to God one day in the car on my way to the Church "Well, thats it for me, Lord. From now on I am not going to be concerned about others or where they are in their faith journey, but be concerned only with what God is doing in my life." Right at the exact moment when I prayed that Fr. Mitch Pacwa came on the radio and there was his emphatic voice piping through the airways: "Don't you ever doubt that if you are a Baptized Christian, you have a DUTY, you have an OBLIGATION to spread the gospel!" I let out a deep sigh and looked to the Holy Spirit from the depths of my discouragement and said, "Ha! Very funny!". A few days later I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in a while. She told me that she was very moved by the decisions I had made and that it touched her in a way that was relevant to her life. I knew that this was the confirmation that God was sending me, just at the moment when I most needed it. Well, I suppose I am still in love with the Spirit!
Just a reminder, Pentecost is coming up in a couple weeks! Here's to praying the Holy Spirit lights a few more souls on fire and kindles our world with the grace we need!
It is so funny how the Holy Spirit works sometimes. At least for me, sometimes I will feel very close to God and then days or months will go by where I just keep going, not really being sure if I am still paying attention, still absorbing all God is saying to me in my life. Then, just as I am getting a little discouraged, He will swoop in and blow me away with His plans again, and I know once again He is with me. Hopefully I can communicate a little of that here in my blog, as I tell you a little bit about the latest events in our lives.
So Brendan and I have decided for certain on a name! We are going to name our newest baby boy Gabriel Matthew. Picking a name for us has always been something that Brendan and I treasure and think is an important responsibility. It has to be more then just nice sounding or trendy, and it has to have meaning, and be appropriate for both his childhood and adulthood. I am one of those who believes that when you pray about a name and what God wants, sometimes the answer comes to you. We can get some degree of comfort knowing that our child has existed in the mind of God long before they are given to us as a gift. Come to find out my due date is right around Sept. 8th. For me, this is significant because in the Church, Sept 8th is held as the day in which we remember the birth of Mary. I know devotion to the Blessed Mother is something that I do not share with all my Christian brothers and sisters, but I have such a strong devotion to this beautiful woman, I truly believe that God has given her to all Christians as a gift to lead us to Him. I have such love and reverence for Mary as my mother, I was delighted that my child was due on her birthday! So, Brendan and I wanted to pick a name that would represent a Saint with great devotion to Jesus through Mary. The top names were Dominic (as Saint Dominic spread devotion to the rosary as a way of prayer), Maximilian (who taught authentic faith and devotion to Jesus through Mary in Poland when the culture was faced with atheism and nihilism, then willingly gave up his life in exchange for another man's at Aushwitz), and finally Gabriel, (who in the Bible proposes God's plan to Mary that she would be the mother of the Redeemer.). Brendan and I both felt that Gabriel was the name of our child. One night shortly after we had decided on Gabriel, I was up and I prayed to God that I would know the middle name by the next day. The name "Matthew" popped into my head that night. In the morning Brendan got up and asked me what I thought about the name Gabriel Matthew. I loved it and I think it is a nice way to honor my Uncle Matt who died just over a year ago. FYI the name Gabriel means "Strong Man of God", while Matthew means "Gift of God".
The other thing that has been happening in my life is a new degree of certainty with our plan to homeschool. God has been so good in answering so many of my prayers to make life a little easier for us, and to show me His path. I had been really struggling for a while with feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, but the changes that we have made have brought about a renewed feeling of hope and purpose. I am so incredibly happy now with how well my kids are doing and I am looking forward to the challenges that our second year homeschooling and our newest addition will bring.
Finally, for a long time I was uncertain whether I would still be serving the Lord leaving any kind of organized "ministry" opportunities. I have felt in the past such a strong call to serve God in this way, I was feeling lost and like I had failed now that my call was to be more focused on home, and less on "ministry". Adding to this sense of loss of purpose is the fact that my efforts to assist in a lesser capacity in my old ministry have not worked out as I had hoped they would. All of this combined to my saying to God one day in the car on my way to the Church "Well, thats it for me, Lord. From now on I am not going to be concerned about others or where they are in their faith journey, but be concerned only with what God is doing in my life." Right at the exact moment when I prayed that Fr. Mitch Pacwa came on the radio and there was his emphatic voice piping through the airways: "Don't you ever doubt that if you are a Baptized Christian, you have a DUTY, you have an OBLIGATION to spread the gospel!" I let out a deep sigh and looked to the Holy Spirit from the depths of my discouragement and said, "Ha! Very funny!". A few days later I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in a while. She told me that she was very moved by the decisions I had made and that it touched her in a way that was relevant to her life. I knew that this was the confirmation that God was sending me, just at the moment when I most needed it. Well, I suppose I am still in love with the Spirit!
Just a reminder, Pentecost is coming up in a couple weeks! Here's to praying the Holy Spirit lights a few more souls on fire and kindles our world with the grace we need!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Feeling grateful..
Hi All,
I am not going to go out on a limb and try to say anything too terribly intelligent today. I am enjoying a Sunday doing practically no housework and thankful that my Faith mandates that. Guilt- Free- Sundays-you gotta love it. Of course, that is no excuse for yesterday, but being pregnant and tired does fine for me.
I am reminded once again how good God has been to our family today. I feel like it was a big leap for us to try out homeschool this year, and it has not been without its trials. But, almost a full year in, I can not believe that He has rewarded us so handsomely in the growth within myself and my children. Just yesterday, I was speaking with a mom much more experienced then myself. We were talking about the stages of growth that a family goes through, the truth in the fact that there is a difference between a new mom and one years along her journey. Sometimes we are stretched to our limits, sometimes we question the trials placed before us. We tend to judge ourselves to be far less capable then we are, when guided by Grace and the learning that happens as we grow as mothers.
Perhaps the greatest gift that has happened this year, is that I am learning to be a teacher to my children. I mean teacher not in the limited sense of "doing school" but in the broader sense of teaching them how to be a member of a family, how to pick up after themselves, make their beds, say their prayers, hold tight to the values that we in our family hold dear. Though my children are mischievous and sometimes even outright naughty, there is a kindness that permeates through our family: in their relationships with each other and with other children. I am learning to resign moment by moment to God's will for each day and for my children. I am slowly making progress in embracing the sacred duties and responsibilities God has given me. I firmly believe that this growth in myself in the result of the trials that the Lord has given me. Sometimes it is only apparent what the Lord is doing when we look back. It is so funny to me how just a few months ago I was desperate and wanted to give up, and now I am enjoying homeschool and getting exited about the projects and learning that will happen next year as I pick out the books and curriculum that I think will enrich my children the most in their growth in the Lord. Most of all, I love having our family together.
Now I know homeschool is not for everyone. I believe it is a calling, and like any calling it can be scary and overwhelming. But for those who come to believe that it is what God wants for their children, I wish I could give to them the confidence and trust that God will provide. He is generous beyond measure, and the rewards far outweigh the effort. Thats all I have for today. But, I do want to mention we are having a BOY!!! More later in the week on the name we have chosen.
I am not going to go out on a limb and try to say anything too terribly intelligent today. I am enjoying a Sunday doing practically no housework and thankful that my Faith mandates that. Guilt- Free- Sundays-you gotta love it. Of course, that is no excuse for yesterday, but being pregnant and tired does fine for me.
I am reminded once again how good God has been to our family today. I feel like it was a big leap for us to try out homeschool this year, and it has not been without its trials. But, almost a full year in, I can not believe that He has rewarded us so handsomely in the growth within myself and my children. Just yesterday, I was speaking with a mom much more experienced then myself. We were talking about the stages of growth that a family goes through, the truth in the fact that there is a difference between a new mom and one years along her journey. Sometimes we are stretched to our limits, sometimes we question the trials placed before us. We tend to judge ourselves to be far less capable then we are, when guided by Grace and the learning that happens as we grow as mothers.
Perhaps the greatest gift that has happened this year, is that I am learning to be a teacher to my children. I mean teacher not in the limited sense of "doing school" but in the broader sense of teaching them how to be a member of a family, how to pick up after themselves, make their beds, say their prayers, hold tight to the values that we in our family hold dear. Though my children are mischievous and sometimes even outright naughty, there is a kindness that permeates through our family: in their relationships with each other and with other children. I am learning to resign moment by moment to God's will for each day and for my children. I am slowly making progress in embracing the sacred duties and responsibilities God has given me. I firmly believe that this growth in myself in the result of the trials that the Lord has given me. Sometimes it is only apparent what the Lord is doing when we look back. It is so funny to me how just a few months ago I was desperate and wanted to give up, and now I am enjoying homeschool and getting exited about the projects and learning that will happen next year as I pick out the books and curriculum that I think will enrich my children the most in their growth in the Lord. Most of all, I love having our family together.
Now I know homeschool is not for everyone. I believe it is a calling, and like any calling it can be scary and overwhelming. But for those who come to believe that it is what God wants for their children, I wish I could give to them the confidence and trust that God will provide. He is generous beyond measure, and the rewards far outweigh the effort. Thats all I have for today. But, I do want to mention we are having a BOY!!! More later in the week on the name we have chosen.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Fridays, families, and more...
Ahhhhh... Friday. I think I try a 7 quick takes Friday today, in imitation of one of my favorite bloggers (Jen Fulwiler conversiondiary.com) Well, here are my 7 quick takes for today:
1. I really need to work with the kids on not making their observations about people out loud. Yesterday at the park after admiring a lady's van and her bike rack, a certain four year old may have said "and you are very fat!". Now, to my children, all the differences between people make them interesting and unique. That is part of the beauty of childhood. Lately, Charlie has also been fascinated by people's ages and told someone close to me "and you are very old!" (Everyone seems old when you are four). Yet, his observations extend to tall, short, dark skin, light skin, old, young, fat, skinny, ugly, beautiful, in a wheelchair, etc. It is going to be a lot less embarrassing when the kids learn to spare people's feelings. Yet, it is going to be a sad day when they realize the differences they think are so interesting are the very things people are ashamed of, and are used by society to lift some people up and put others down.
2. I need to work harder to get Peter around kids his age, especially other little boys with similar interests. He has a couple close friends that are girls and are 4 or 5, but the boys he used to hang with are all in school so that makes our social times fewer and further between. I am always proud of the fact that everywhere we go he makes friends easily with boys and girls of different ages. Yesterday, though, as we were leaving the park, he was telling me proudly he made friends with an 8 year old. "But, Mommy!, we will have to go back to the park every day! I hate meeting friends and then I don't see them again!" Alright, so there is a need there: a desire for that boy friendship with other rough and tumble kids like himself. I signed him up for soccer, hoping that it provides a little consistency for him. I am resolving to try a little harder next year to commit to the different activities with our homeschool group so that he gets to know the kids there as well. Any other advice?
3. Next week on Wednesday we find out BOY or GIRL! I don't know what kind of child God authored this time, but I truly believe that His will is the right one. There are advantages either way. A boy means Jonas has somebody to partner up with, share a room with, etc. It means we don't have to buy double the clothes, worry as much about privacy and the inevitable anatomy questions that would come with a girl. Boy is comfortable, familiar, and I LOVE my boys. They are just incredibly sweet and loving, and funny! On the other hand, a daughter is a blessing too! I can only imagine that the bond with a daughter, the interests shared, closeness, etc. is different then a boy. Of course, hopefully it would stop the intrusive questions about "Are you going to try for a girl?" as though my boys were not equally blessings whether there was one of them or six. I do hope that the child is healthy, though I know there are no guarantees on that either. There are a few things I know for certain about this child: He or She will be a unique person in all of creation from the beginning of the world, and He or She will be welcomed and loved in our family.
4. After giving it up for six weeks during Lent, I decided Easter Sunday to de-activate my Facebook. Some people are able to moderate their use of it quite well. I find I can't. I feel badly about each person I don't say Happy Birthday to and each conversation I don't follow up on. For me it is too much competition to uphold some imaginary social status which I really didn't have to begin with. I know there are advantages to Facebook: the ability to evangelize, to create or grow in certain relationships, to be up to date with the latest happenings, to be there for people when they need you. As a stay at home mom, there have been times it has been my "lifeline" to other adults. But, for me, I find I am more able to be present to the people who need me most when the temptation isn't there. I will just have to make the effort to call friends or schedule times to get together, but perhaps that is better anyway.
5. This week our Magdalena group was transitioned to new leadership. My good friend Tara is now organizing/coordinating. She devised a new format whereby everyone in the group takes responsibility for some aspect of the ministry. I am very confident in her knowledge, her spirituality, etc. It is still another major change in our relatively new ministry. I think that has been God's way with our ministry though, to make us constantly dependent on his Grace and His power to author the conversions in hearts that He wants to use it for. I think it is a great opportunity for the women who I have watched grow as followers of Christ to now grow in their ability to bring that relationship to others. It is exiting and I continue to pray, support, and watch!
6. I have been thinking a lot lately about the importance of community in our walk with the Lord. Perhaps this will be the subject of a longer blog post one of these days. But for now, I will just share a couple of my reflections as it stands. I think that discerning the right community for my children to grow in is probably going to be one of the major subjects of our prayer for the next couple years. Brendan and I have the choice whether to move closer to our families. This would provide a little more stability and unconditional love in my children's lives that only grandparents can. I think experiencing love and acceptance is truly the beginning of getting to know the Lord. However, the Church community there is not as strong and we aren't really connected to it like we are in Albany due to our involvement here over the last few years. I am not sure whether we would have the support with homeschooling that we have now. Even if we stay in Albany, finding the right mix of solid Faith formation and passionate community is going to be a challenge. If it is too much head knowledge without the example of solid Christians around us to back it up, we can be more motivated to win at Christianity: be the most orthodox, the most proper, etc. even more then we are motivated to love Christ and each other. On the other hand, if we rely too much on the people around us, they are sure to disappoint us sooner or later and that disillusionment can even lead to a loss of Faith. Even in the best community, we can fail to develop the virtue of fortitude which enables us to stand alone sometimes. Perhaps the desire to be liked or loved by the community: to be seen as reasonable and levelheaded, can prevent us from accepting with fullness the standard the Holy Spirit has to offer. None of us come to Christ alone. We all need someone to show us the way; we come as a Church, the Bride of Christ, the Body of Christ. And yet, the community is never the end, but we must always strive to move beyond it to a relationship with Christ Himself. We are called to be in the world but not of the world, a sheep among wolves. We must love Christ in each other, but never each other instead of Him. Theologian Richard John Newhaus wrote this and I never forgot it: One time he walked up to the door of a (rather progressive) Catholic Church and there was a banner that said, "God is other people". He wanted to take it down and put a comma in so it said "God is Other, people". Love it.
7. It is Friday and Brendan was supposed to be with his family in Florida today taking a four day trip to honor his Grandfather who passed away last month. Brendan was worried about how I would handle the stress, being pregnant and being used to him providing a lot of practical and emotional support. He cancelled the trip and decided he was more needed at home. I feel quite torn about this. On the one hand, extreme relief. I admire single moms and women who are able to hold it all together when their husbands travel on business, etc. I don't know how you do it. I probably could have survived the four days with the kids, but it would have been hard for me. I do feel badly that Brendan is missing such an important family event. One thing I can say for certain, I am eternally grateful I married a man who loves his family and is so devoted to them!
1. I really need to work with the kids on not making their observations about people out loud. Yesterday at the park after admiring a lady's van and her bike rack, a certain four year old may have said "and you are very fat!". Now, to my children, all the differences between people make them interesting and unique. That is part of the beauty of childhood. Lately, Charlie has also been fascinated by people's ages and told someone close to me "and you are very old!" (Everyone seems old when you are four). Yet, his observations extend to tall, short, dark skin, light skin, old, young, fat, skinny, ugly, beautiful, in a wheelchair, etc. It is going to be a lot less embarrassing when the kids learn to spare people's feelings. Yet, it is going to be a sad day when they realize the differences they think are so interesting are the very things people are ashamed of, and are used by society to lift some people up and put others down.
2. I need to work harder to get Peter around kids his age, especially other little boys with similar interests. He has a couple close friends that are girls and are 4 or 5, but the boys he used to hang with are all in school so that makes our social times fewer and further between. I am always proud of the fact that everywhere we go he makes friends easily with boys and girls of different ages. Yesterday, though, as we were leaving the park, he was telling me proudly he made friends with an 8 year old. "But, Mommy!, we will have to go back to the park every day! I hate meeting friends and then I don't see them again!" Alright, so there is a need there: a desire for that boy friendship with other rough and tumble kids like himself. I signed him up for soccer, hoping that it provides a little consistency for him. I am resolving to try a little harder next year to commit to the different activities with our homeschool group so that he gets to know the kids there as well. Any other advice?
3. Next week on Wednesday we find out BOY or GIRL! I don't know what kind of child God authored this time, but I truly believe that His will is the right one. There are advantages either way. A boy means Jonas has somebody to partner up with, share a room with, etc. It means we don't have to buy double the clothes, worry as much about privacy and the inevitable anatomy questions that would come with a girl. Boy is comfortable, familiar, and I LOVE my boys. They are just incredibly sweet and loving, and funny! On the other hand, a daughter is a blessing too! I can only imagine that the bond with a daughter, the interests shared, closeness, etc. is different then a boy. Of course, hopefully it would stop the intrusive questions about "Are you going to try for a girl?" as though my boys were not equally blessings whether there was one of them or six. I do hope that the child is healthy, though I know there are no guarantees on that either. There are a few things I know for certain about this child: He or She will be a unique person in all of creation from the beginning of the world, and He or She will be welcomed and loved in our family.
4. After giving it up for six weeks during Lent, I decided Easter Sunday to de-activate my Facebook. Some people are able to moderate their use of it quite well. I find I can't. I feel badly about each person I don't say Happy Birthday to and each conversation I don't follow up on. For me it is too much competition to uphold some imaginary social status which I really didn't have to begin with. I know there are advantages to Facebook: the ability to evangelize, to create or grow in certain relationships, to be up to date with the latest happenings, to be there for people when they need you. As a stay at home mom, there have been times it has been my "lifeline" to other adults. But, for me, I find I am more able to be present to the people who need me most when the temptation isn't there. I will just have to make the effort to call friends or schedule times to get together, but perhaps that is better anyway.
5. This week our Magdalena group was transitioned to new leadership. My good friend Tara is now organizing/coordinating. She devised a new format whereby everyone in the group takes responsibility for some aspect of the ministry. I am very confident in her knowledge, her spirituality, etc. It is still another major change in our relatively new ministry. I think that has been God's way with our ministry though, to make us constantly dependent on his Grace and His power to author the conversions in hearts that He wants to use it for. I think it is a great opportunity for the women who I have watched grow as followers of Christ to now grow in their ability to bring that relationship to others. It is exiting and I continue to pray, support, and watch!
6. I have been thinking a lot lately about the importance of community in our walk with the Lord. Perhaps this will be the subject of a longer blog post one of these days. But for now, I will just share a couple of my reflections as it stands. I think that discerning the right community for my children to grow in is probably going to be one of the major subjects of our prayer for the next couple years. Brendan and I have the choice whether to move closer to our families. This would provide a little more stability and unconditional love in my children's lives that only grandparents can. I think experiencing love and acceptance is truly the beginning of getting to know the Lord. However, the Church community there is not as strong and we aren't really connected to it like we are in Albany due to our involvement here over the last few years. I am not sure whether we would have the support with homeschooling that we have now. Even if we stay in Albany, finding the right mix of solid Faith formation and passionate community is going to be a challenge. If it is too much head knowledge without the example of solid Christians around us to back it up, we can be more motivated to win at Christianity: be the most orthodox, the most proper, etc. even more then we are motivated to love Christ and each other. On the other hand, if we rely too much on the people around us, they are sure to disappoint us sooner or later and that disillusionment can even lead to a loss of Faith. Even in the best community, we can fail to develop the virtue of fortitude which enables us to stand alone sometimes. Perhaps the desire to be liked or loved by the community: to be seen as reasonable and levelheaded, can prevent us from accepting with fullness the standard the Holy Spirit has to offer. None of us come to Christ alone. We all need someone to show us the way; we come as a Church, the Bride of Christ, the Body of Christ. And yet, the community is never the end, but we must always strive to move beyond it to a relationship with Christ Himself. We are called to be in the world but not of the world, a sheep among wolves. We must love Christ in each other, but never each other instead of Him. Theologian Richard John Newhaus wrote this and I never forgot it: One time he walked up to the door of a (rather progressive) Catholic Church and there was a banner that said, "God is other people". He wanted to take it down and put a comma in so it said "God is Other, people". Love it.
7. It is Friday and Brendan was supposed to be with his family in Florida today taking a four day trip to honor his Grandfather who passed away last month. Brendan was worried about how I would handle the stress, being pregnant and being used to him providing a lot of practical and emotional support. He cancelled the trip and decided he was more needed at home. I feel quite torn about this. On the one hand, extreme relief. I admire single moms and women who are able to hold it all together when their husbands travel on business, etc. I don't know how you do it. I probably could have survived the four days with the kids, but it would have been hard for me. I do feel badly that Brendan is missing such an important family event. One thing I can say for certain, I am eternally grateful I married a man who loves his family and is so devoted to them!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Putting first things first...
I guess I would like to write today about times of transition. We all have those times when you know things need to change, you know things ARE changing, but you still don't know where they are going. Does that make sense?
The past year has been one busy, hectic, exiting adventure for me. It has probably been one of the best years (and hardest) of my life, for several reasons. First, I got to live out one of my dreams this past year: the dream of opening the doors to Our Lord and His Church, to reveal His beauty to those who are searching for Him. Upon the encouragement of several Christian friends and under the guidance and leadership of my good friend Nicole, we started a group for women where we were able to explore together a relationship with Christ. I know that Christ worked through me and through our group. That is an honor that I can not even begin to explain. Since Nicole moved back to Alaska last fall, I have been coordinating the group. Every one of the women I have had the honor to work side by side with or minister to contributes something that has made the group unique and dynamic.
While all this was taking place, our family was also changing. When we first started the ministry group, my eldest son was 4. Last fall we faced an important decision: that of how best to educate his mind and his spirit. I decided to embrace a new calling, that of homeschooling my children. I would love to talk about how and why we came to this decision, but that would be the topic of a whole other post! During the fall months, I did manage to juggle doing Peter's school, ministry, and trying to be a good wife and mother. But, I was right at my limit. Anything more and I would be over the edge.
I remember sitting with my Spiritual Advisor last Advent and telling him "I know God is calling my in a new direction, but what direction? What needs to change?" He said something to me that now stands out in my mind as being a bit prophetic. He said: "Whatever God is calling you to, it is going to hit you suddenly and undeniably". He said, "Advent is a time of waiting and I bet right after Christmas you are going to have a clear idea of what this direction is." It kind of makes me laugh now that it was right after Christmas that I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child!
Now anyone who knows me knows that one of the truths that I hold most dear is that a child is ALWAYS a blessing. This child instantly warmed my heart as I thought about the plans that God had in store for our family. And yet, pregnancy is not without its hardships. My first trimester I became physically exhausted and anemic. My body simply could not keep up with all I was asking of it. I remember one day sitting on my sons bedroom floor: toys strewn from one end of the house to another, the children fighting with each other and not listening to me, dishes in the sink, food on the floor, dust and dirt under the bed, schoolwork not done. A also had a long list of ministry demands that were being unmet or poorly met. I felt like I was letting down the women of our ministry, my children, my husband, everybody. I just started crying and for a long time I didn't stop. I just cried and cried and questioned our Lord asking him to remember His promise that His Grace is sufficient, His power manifested in my weakness. I felt too ashamed to ask for help, and so most of the burden rested on my husband to lift me up.
Looking back, this time of suffering that God generously gave me was truly His mercy gently reminding me that no-one is called to make a name for himself. I was not called to succeed in ministry, to "accomplish" raising my children, or to be the perfect wife to my husband. Rather, anything God calls me to do is a gift to me. My job is to be faithful. It is God who makes a name for us, and His plan is not for earthly glory, but love. We are called to be lovers, not achievers. The gift of myself to my children or my husband is truly a gift of myself: bumps, bruises, and all. God can work with that. He can work with the broken, the incapable. He can't work with my demanding of him that I do everything perfectly or even well for that matter, but only that I allow him to work through me. Only then is it for His glory, not mine. It is a lesson of trust and one that I must learn again and again.
Once I realized that I realized something else: my children needed more of me. In fact they needed all of me, at least in the ages they are right now. I know that the most important people in my life are my husband and my children. Our Lord valued family so much that he spend 30 years of his life with his family, and only 3 years teaching, and 3 hours saving. I tend to be an extrovert and perhaps a bit selfish when it comes to the amount of time I like to spend socializing with other adults. I love and value my friends so tremendously, but perhaps I sometimes give my family the stale leftovers rather then the first and best fruits of my efforts. I decided to reflect on this by making perhaps the first of many necessary changes, so I gave up facebook for Lent. This extra time allowed me to reflect on which things were truly important. What can I do without, what do I need? God's answer was glorious. He gave me the wisdom to see what was important (my family), and the courage to make the changes necessary.
The second decision is that of continuing to homeschool next year. Through much prayer and discernment, I have come to truly believe that learning at home is the best place for my children. My fear was that without the friendships, without the freedom that I am used to, I would not be able to live the life that gives me the most pleasure and happiness. And yet I know from experience that change (when it is God's will) is at first painful, the tolerable, and finally enjoyable as we strive to conform our will to His. I hope to enjoy the benefits of having a deeper and more meaningful relationship with each of my children, the benefits or having a more organized household, and more quality time with Brendan. The fear has been cast aside. "For God did not give us a Spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control" 2 Tim 1:7.
For this reason and the reasons mentioned above, I am giving up doing ministry as well. I don't think that God's plans for me are over in this area, but maybe on hold for months or even years. I know that He will do more with less, though I may not be able to see that this side of Heaven.
I don't know what God's plans are. I don't know where this is all going. I DO know that a walk with the Lord is the most exiting life that I could be leading. I will try to keep updated on my blog, though I am probably going to cancel my facebook account soon. So, please subscribe if you are interested. It may be a better way for me to keep in touch. Please keep us in your prayer.
Much love to everybody and have a Blessed Holy Week and joyous Easter!!
The past year has been one busy, hectic, exiting adventure for me. It has probably been one of the best years (and hardest) of my life, for several reasons. First, I got to live out one of my dreams this past year: the dream of opening the doors to Our Lord and His Church, to reveal His beauty to those who are searching for Him. Upon the encouragement of several Christian friends and under the guidance and leadership of my good friend Nicole, we started a group for women where we were able to explore together a relationship with Christ. I know that Christ worked through me and through our group. That is an honor that I can not even begin to explain. Since Nicole moved back to Alaska last fall, I have been coordinating the group. Every one of the women I have had the honor to work side by side with or minister to contributes something that has made the group unique and dynamic.
While all this was taking place, our family was also changing. When we first started the ministry group, my eldest son was 4. Last fall we faced an important decision: that of how best to educate his mind and his spirit. I decided to embrace a new calling, that of homeschooling my children. I would love to talk about how and why we came to this decision, but that would be the topic of a whole other post! During the fall months, I did manage to juggle doing Peter's school, ministry, and trying to be a good wife and mother. But, I was right at my limit. Anything more and I would be over the edge.
I remember sitting with my Spiritual Advisor last Advent and telling him "I know God is calling my in a new direction, but what direction? What needs to change?" He said something to me that now stands out in my mind as being a bit prophetic. He said: "Whatever God is calling you to, it is going to hit you suddenly and undeniably". He said, "Advent is a time of waiting and I bet right after Christmas you are going to have a clear idea of what this direction is." It kind of makes me laugh now that it was right after Christmas that I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child!
Now anyone who knows me knows that one of the truths that I hold most dear is that a child is ALWAYS a blessing. This child instantly warmed my heart as I thought about the plans that God had in store for our family. And yet, pregnancy is not without its hardships. My first trimester I became physically exhausted and anemic. My body simply could not keep up with all I was asking of it. I remember one day sitting on my sons bedroom floor: toys strewn from one end of the house to another, the children fighting with each other and not listening to me, dishes in the sink, food on the floor, dust and dirt under the bed, schoolwork not done. A also had a long list of ministry demands that were being unmet or poorly met. I felt like I was letting down the women of our ministry, my children, my husband, everybody. I just started crying and for a long time I didn't stop. I just cried and cried and questioned our Lord asking him to remember His promise that His Grace is sufficient, His power manifested in my weakness. I felt too ashamed to ask for help, and so most of the burden rested on my husband to lift me up.
Looking back, this time of suffering that God generously gave me was truly His mercy gently reminding me that no-one is called to make a name for himself. I was not called to succeed in ministry, to "accomplish" raising my children, or to be the perfect wife to my husband. Rather, anything God calls me to do is a gift to me. My job is to be faithful. It is God who makes a name for us, and His plan is not for earthly glory, but love. We are called to be lovers, not achievers. The gift of myself to my children or my husband is truly a gift of myself: bumps, bruises, and all. God can work with that. He can work with the broken, the incapable. He can't work with my demanding of him that I do everything perfectly or even well for that matter, but only that I allow him to work through me. Only then is it for His glory, not mine. It is a lesson of trust and one that I must learn again and again.
Once I realized that I realized something else: my children needed more of me. In fact they needed all of me, at least in the ages they are right now. I know that the most important people in my life are my husband and my children. Our Lord valued family so much that he spend 30 years of his life with his family, and only 3 years teaching, and 3 hours saving. I tend to be an extrovert and perhaps a bit selfish when it comes to the amount of time I like to spend socializing with other adults. I love and value my friends so tremendously, but perhaps I sometimes give my family the stale leftovers rather then the first and best fruits of my efforts. I decided to reflect on this by making perhaps the first of many necessary changes, so I gave up facebook for Lent. This extra time allowed me to reflect on which things were truly important. What can I do without, what do I need? God's answer was glorious. He gave me the wisdom to see what was important (my family), and the courage to make the changes necessary.
The second decision is that of continuing to homeschool next year. Through much prayer and discernment, I have come to truly believe that learning at home is the best place for my children. My fear was that without the friendships, without the freedom that I am used to, I would not be able to live the life that gives me the most pleasure and happiness. And yet I know from experience that change (when it is God's will) is at first painful, the tolerable, and finally enjoyable as we strive to conform our will to His. I hope to enjoy the benefits of having a deeper and more meaningful relationship with each of my children, the benefits or having a more organized household, and more quality time with Brendan. The fear has been cast aside. "For God did not give us a Spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control" 2 Tim 1:7.
For this reason and the reasons mentioned above, I am giving up doing ministry as well. I don't think that God's plans for me are over in this area, but maybe on hold for months or even years. I know that He will do more with less, though I may not be able to see that this side of Heaven.
I don't know what God's plans are. I don't know where this is all going. I DO know that a walk with the Lord is the most exiting life that I could be leading. I will try to keep updated on my blog, though I am probably going to cancel my facebook account soon. So, please subscribe if you are interested. It may be a better way for me to keep in touch. Please keep us in your prayer.
Much love to everybody and have a Blessed Holy Week and joyous Easter!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
What if its a girl?
As I sit here, the sole female in our family of 5 and 4 months pregnant, the thought occurred to me, "What if its a girl?"
I don't think that before I had children, I ever spend much time thinking about what it would mean to be the Mama of boys- 3 boys so far. I think I spent more time thinking about whether I would be painting pink or blue then whether it would be years of guns, wars, train tracks, balls, blocks, and potty humor. God has brought me on a greater adventure then I ever could have anticipated. Yes, adventure is the right word.
The other day I told Charlie (my four year old) he was beautiful. I told him that because he IS beautiful. His reaction was pretty classic: first he laughed- clearly I must be joking! There is no long flowing hair or pretty dresses or any of the things my boys think are beautiful. Then, he acted insulted "I am NOT beautiful! I am handsome." Yes, Charlie, you are handsome, but you are beautiful in your own way, your boyish way.
Watching boys grow up before my eyes is like watching a similar but very differently wired species. The books I think are interesting, they don't like. The games they play, I simply don't get. I remember Christmas morning the boys opened their new red guns that shot some kind of foam bullets and looked at each other with surprise and said "I can't believe we both got red, we are both BAD GUYS!" (Who knew?) The often physical, always humorous way they work out their difficulties and end the day as best buddies is often a mystery to me. After a hormonally driven sentimental movie spree in which I made my boys watch "Beauty and the Beast" I asked them (hopefully) whether they liked the movie. After all, there is that ferocious beast and that final battle scene in which the Beast defeats the conceited Gaston. Peter (age 5) pipes up, "Well....... Kind of..... You have to understand, Mom, we don't like princess movies, we are BOYS." Oh well, so much for that. Back to Spidey, Xmen, and the normal assortment of fantastical adventures. Just recently we were on a road trip and stopped to use the facilities. I brought both boys into the single stall restroom and locked the door. As I was helping Charlie wash his hands, and Peter was finishing up wiping, Peter suddenly jumped off the toilet, ran halfway across the small bathroom, and shot the remaining toilet paper basketball style into the toilet. The scolding comment was about to penetrate my lips when Charlie's eyes lit up with brotherly admiration and he yelled loud enough for even the most distant customer to hear, "Peter! You SCORED!!!"
And yet, as much as I sometimes feel like I am not dealing with my own kind, there is something very sweet and very simple about boys. They don't expect me to understand their games, to know how to play like Daddy, to laugh at their potty humor and know which super-people have which powers. Yet, at the end of the day, they always want their Mama. Though they leap off my furniture with a single bound, though I can't trust them to be outside for more then two minutes without covering themselves head to toe with dirt and mud, and though they engage in regular combat that would make your average marine proud, they have a simple type of happiness that I envy. They want full bellies, freedom to explore and play, and a Mama who is there to scrape off the bumps and bruises and set them back on their feet (so they can continue running). They think I am the most beautiful woman in the world, (mostly because puberty is still a few years off), I have captured their heart, and I have no doubt each one would defend me against even the most dangerous of enemies.
Peter has judged (by the lack of visibly long hair in our last ultrasound picture) that our next addition will also be a boy. "Mom, you don't expect me to play dollhouse all day, do you?", he retorted as if that was a sufficient explanation for his theory of his next little siblings gender. Now I am not trying to be stereotypical, perhaps it would do my boys a little good to see a girl holding her own in their games. And yet I wonder, "What if?"
Just this morning I told Charlie he stunk. His eyes lit up as if he had won a prize and he smiled a smile so big as he plotted how to use his stink-breath to get his brothers. Now THAT is beautiful.
I don't think that before I had children, I ever spend much time thinking about what it would mean to be the Mama of boys- 3 boys so far. I think I spent more time thinking about whether I would be painting pink or blue then whether it would be years of guns, wars, train tracks, balls, blocks, and potty humor. God has brought me on a greater adventure then I ever could have anticipated. Yes, adventure is the right word.
The other day I told Charlie (my four year old) he was beautiful. I told him that because he IS beautiful. His reaction was pretty classic: first he laughed- clearly I must be joking! There is no long flowing hair or pretty dresses or any of the things my boys think are beautiful. Then, he acted insulted "I am NOT beautiful! I am handsome." Yes, Charlie, you are handsome, but you are beautiful in your own way, your boyish way.
Watching boys grow up before my eyes is like watching a similar but very differently wired species. The books I think are interesting, they don't like. The games they play, I simply don't get. I remember Christmas morning the boys opened their new red guns that shot some kind of foam bullets and looked at each other with surprise and said "I can't believe we both got red, we are both BAD GUYS!" (Who knew?) The often physical, always humorous way they work out their difficulties and end the day as best buddies is often a mystery to me. After a hormonally driven sentimental movie spree in which I made my boys watch "Beauty and the Beast" I asked them (hopefully) whether they liked the movie. After all, there is that ferocious beast and that final battle scene in which the Beast defeats the conceited Gaston. Peter (age 5) pipes up, "Well....... Kind of..... You have to understand, Mom, we don't like princess movies, we are BOYS." Oh well, so much for that. Back to Spidey, Xmen, and the normal assortment of fantastical adventures. Just recently we were on a road trip and stopped to use the facilities. I brought both boys into the single stall restroom and locked the door. As I was helping Charlie wash his hands, and Peter was finishing up wiping, Peter suddenly jumped off the toilet, ran halfway across the small bathroom, and shot the remaining toilet paper basketball style into the toilet. The scolding comment was about to penetrate my lips when Charlie's eyes lit up with brotherly admiration and he yelled loud enough for even the most distant customer to hear, "Peter! You SCORED!!!"
And yet, as much as I sometimes feel like I am not dealing with my own kind, there is something very sweet and very simple about boys. They don't expect me to understand their games, to know how to play like Daddy, to laugh at their potty humor and know which super-people have which powers. Yet, at the end of the day, they always want their Mama. Though they leap off my furniture with a single bound, though I can't trust them to be outside for more then two minutes without covering themselves head to toe with dirt and mud, and though they engage in regular combat that would make your average marine proud, they have a simple type of happiness that I envy. They want full bellies, freedom to explore and play, and a Mama who is there to scrape off the bumps and bruises and set them back on their feet (so they can continue running). They think I am the most beautiful woman in the world, (mostly because puberty is still a few years off), I have captured their heart, and I have no doubt each one would defend me against even the most dangerous of enemies.
Peter has judged (by the lack of visibly long hair in our last ultrasound picture) that our next addition will also be a boy. "Mom, you don't expect me to play dollhouse all day, do you?", he retorted as if that was a sufficient explanation for his theory of his next little siblings gender. Now I am not trying to be stereotypical, perhaps it would do my boys a little good to see a girl holding her own in their games. And yet I wonder, "What if?"
Just this morning I told Charlie he stunk. His eyes lit up as if he had won a prize and he smiled a smile so big as he plotted how to use his stink-breath to get his brothers. Now THAT is beautiful.
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